Here's to the Night
by xxLittle Black Dressxx
Summary: She thought divorces were supposed to make things easier, not more complicated.
1. Part I

A/N: This little song-fic was inspired by Eve 6's "Here's to the Night." I heard it while I was on a run, and thought it might make a good Addison/Derek one-shot. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), my 'one-shot' ended up being much longer than expected – nearly 11,000 words (plus my author's notes), which seemed like a lot. So, I decided to split it up into three sections. But the entire story is written, so I should be able to post frequently. Anyway, I hope you like this story; I'd love to hear what you think. And as always, thanks so much for reading!

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><p><strong>Here's to the Night<strong>

_So denied. So, I lied.  
><em>_Are you the now or never kind?_

Derek walked into Joe's, hoping to go unnoticed. He didn't want to talk to anyone; he just wanted to drink.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one with that plan. Because sitting just a few barstools over, he saw Addison nursing a scotch.

She appeared to be alone. And she appeared to be about a glass and a half in (something he was easily able to gauge from having spent a third of his life with her).

He didn't know if she'd noticed him. And truth be told, he kind of hoped she hadn't. He didn't feel like talking to anybody. Especially her. Especially tonight. But when he looked up from his scotch, his bright blue eyes connected with her pale blue-green eyes, promptly putting an end to any lingering questions about whether or not she had seen him.

There's too much history – too many memories and broken promises – for them to be just a guy and a girl in a bar.

He knew he didn't want to talk to her. But apparently, that was just a lie he'd been telling himself; because suddenly he's standing up and walking over to her. Because despite his mastery of it over the past several months, tonight he's unable to ignore her.

"I'm surprised you're here," he said, sitting down next to her. _That was a lie_. He knew full well that Addison covered her emotions with alcohol. Well, alcohol and sex.

"What I meant to say," Derek clarified when he noticed Addison looking at him pointedly, "is that Joe's doesn't exactly strike me as your type of place."

Addison shrugged impassively. "Tonight, anywhere with alcohol is my type of place."

Derek gave a concessionary nod. "Touché."

"Plus," Addison continued, "Joe's calling me a cab at ten. Not all bars will do that."

"Yeah," Derek agreed as he knocked back his scotch. "I guess that's true."

xxxxx

How he ended up sharing a cab home with Addison, Derek didn't know. _Okay, that was a lie too_. It was simple, really. He had drunkenly asked; and she had drunkenly accepted.

But he hadn't meant to get out of the cab with her at her hotel. _Also not true_. He figured he'd press his luck by getting out of the cab with her, and if she said something about it, he'd get back in the cab, and go home to his trailer. But she didn't say anything.

She easily breezed past the front desk of the hotel towards the elevators. But he didn't.

"Excuse me," the concierge said, blocking Derek's way, and denying him access to the elevators. "But all guests need to be announced."

"I'm here with Addison Shepherd," Derek explained as convincingly as he could. _Though that part was actually true_. "And you don't need to announce me," he continued. "I'm her husband." _That part was technically true as well._ At least until tomorrow.

_In a day and a day, love, I'm gonna be gone for good again._

Derek eventually made it past the concierge, and Addison let him into her hotel room, where they quickly resumed their drinking.

"Is that what you're wearing tomorrow?" Derek asked, his eyes landing on the green and white Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress, hanging on the bathroom door.

"I…yeah."

"Really?" Derek asked in surprise. "That's what you're wearing when we sign our divorce papers tomorrow?"

Addison nodded. "What's wrong with it?" she asked, confused by her soon-to-be ex-husband's concern over her outfit choice and his critical tone.

"I just…you were wearing that dress when you found out that you got that article accepted in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology," Derek explained. "That dress has a lot of good memories attached to it."

Addison swallowed thickly. Derek was right. She had completely forgotten. And truth be told, she kind of hated Derek for remembering. Derek – who had forgotten birthdays and anniversaries, and which bed sheets he liked best – somehow remembered this obscure detail from what had been a very important day in her medical career.

"Maybe I'll wear something else," she mumbled.

Derek shrugged flippantly. "It's your choice."

"Do you want some more scotch?" Addison asked, noticing that both of their glasses were empty.

"Yeah," Derek said appreciatively, as she refilled his glass. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Derek took a long sip of his scotch, feeling the alcohol burn the back of his throat.

"Don't get too drunk," Addison warned, noticing that look in her soon-to-be ex-husband's eyes. It wasn't a look that she saw often, but when she saw it, she knew that Derek was in the mood for some serious drinking. "We have an early morning tomorrow," she reminded him.

Derek shrugged passively. Addison was right; they had to be up early tomorrow to meet with their divorce lawyers. But he didn't want to think about that right now. He didn't want to think about how tomorrow, with a few flourishes of a pen, eleven-plus years would come to an end.

Admittedly, their marriage had ended a long time ago. But tomorrow would make things official. Tomorrow would make things legal. Tomorrow would make things real. And for some reason, making things real unnerved him. He found that it was much easier to accept the end of his and Addison's marriage in the abstract. And maybe that's why he hadn't been able to sign the divorce papers when Addison had given them to him the first time. Because as much as he knew that they couldn't stay married, the thought of them signing those papers tomorrow caused a dull, raw pain in the pit of his stomach. A pain that he was currently trying to numb with a few glasses of scotch (and whatever else Addison was willing to offer).

_Are you willing to be had? Are you cool with just tonight?_

"So, where's Meredith tonight?" Addison asked, bringing herself to go there, as she and Derek nursed their glasses of scotch.

Derek shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "We're taking some time. At least, I am." He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know…I think she still might be dating Finn."

"Oh."

"Yeah. How about you?" he asked, equally boldly. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No," Addison said, shaking her head. "Completely unattached."

"I mean, technically, you're married," Derek pointed out.

Addison nodded in concession. "And technically you are too."

Though that had never really mattered much to either of them before.

"It is interesting, though…" Addison trailed off coyly. She hated herself the second the words left her mouth. She hated herself for being so weak. She hated herself for still wanting Derek, even after all the hurt and pain they'd caused each other.

"You know what, never mind," she recovered, doing her best to salvage whatever dignity she had left, desperately hoping that Derek hadn't picked up on the pathetic, suggestive undertones of her previous statement.

But Derek just gave her a coy smile. "It is interesting," he agreed. Sure, he was being just as evasive as she was, but she got his message. Just like he had gotten hers.

"More scotch?" Addison asked quickly.

Derek chuckled. "Sure."

Addison laughed in spite of herself as she poured more amber liquid into their glasses. Technically, she and Derek both still had alcohol in their tumblers. But the tension was thick. And she needed to think clearly. Or maybe less clearly. And, apparently, more scotch was the way to do this.

xxxxx

"You can take the brownstone," Addison told her soon-to-be ex-husband glumly, as she sipped at her scotch. "I know you hate the Hamptons…so, tomorrow, you can take the brownstone."

"But you love the brownstone," Derek pointed out.

Addison shrugged. "I cheated first," she said sadly. "You should take the brownstone."

"Why do you always do this?" Derek asked.

"Do what?"

"Make things serious. Pick apart every last detail of everything. There's going to be enough of that tomorrow. Can't we just go back to the pleasant conversation we were having?"

Addison looked at her soon-to-be ex-husband in confusion. "Um, okay. Where do you want to pick up from?"

"I don't know," Derek said, offering her a suggestive smile. "How about we pick up at the part where we were talking about having sex?"

"What?" Addison gasped in surprise. "We were not talking about that."

"Come on, we were."

"Okay, we were," Addison conceded. "But, Derek, you know we can't."

"Why not? I mean, technically, we're still married."

"Yeah, but we're getting divorced tomorrow," Addison pointed out.

"So, we won't sleep together tomorrow," Derek reasoned. "I'm okay with just tonight. Are you?"

"I, uh…" Addison trailed off.

"Addie," Derek said softly, his bright blue eyes connecting with her pale blue-green ones.

"I, um," she stammered. She knew she should turn him down. But he was looking at her in a way that he hadn't looked at her for a while. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't looking at her with that look of hurt, distain, and betrayal that she'd grown accustomed to. And he wasn't looking at her the way he looked at Meredith. The way he was looking at her was different. And yet so completely familiar. He was looking at her the way he used to look at her. Before Meredith. Before Mark. Back when they were Addison-and-Derek.

She knew when they signed those divorce papers in the morning that he'd never look at her that way again. Once those papers were signed, she'd never again taste his lips when he kissed her deeply. She'd never again feel his body pressed up against hers. And sex would obviously be off the table.

But it wasn't tonight. All of these things were possibilities tonight. It was wrong, sure. And desperate and self-loathing. But she'd sunk lower. And her moral compass had always pointed a little left of due north anyway.

"Okay," she breathed. "I'm okay with just tonight."

The words had barely left her mouth when Derek crashed his lips against hers. And she responded in kind, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. He pushed her onto the bed – a little rougher than he'd intended to – and she wasted no time unbuttoning his shirt, peeling it off his arms, as they continued to kiss heatedly.

She pulled back from Derek for a moment, and he groaned unhappily. She smirked at him as she held up his discarded flannel shirt and eyed it critically. _Very wood-chopping_ _fisherman_. She shook her head in disapproval.

"Shut up," Derek muttered, his eyes shining with mirth as his lips reconnected with hers. He easily unzipped her Chanel pencil skirt, and she made equally quick work of removing his pants and boxers.

He kissed her deeply, and she gasped as he entered her. They only had tonight, and they were going to make it count.

xxxxx

"Derek?" Addison whispered into the darkness. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," Derek answered. He sat up on the couch he'd been laying on and squinted in the darkness, trying to make out Addison's form on the nearby bed.

"How did you remember that I was wearing that dress the day that I got that article accepted?"

"Because I took it off you when we snuck off to have sex in the women's bathroom of that bar we went to with everyone to celebrate."

"The Refinery," Addison nodded, smiling at the memory.

"And I remember you insisting upon me draping your dress over the door of the bathroom stall, instead of just throwing it on the floor," Derek continued with a chuckle.

Addison laughed heartily at that. "I didn't want it to accidentally fall in the toilet," she defended. "And you and I both know that if I'd gone back out there wearing a wrinkled dress, someone would have said something."

"And bathroom floors are gross," Derek added teasingly. "And that dress was expensive," he mocked.

"It was," Addison agreed solemnly, doing her best not to crack a smile at Derek's comments. She swallowed thickly, suddenly growing serious. "It was a really great night," she whispered. "Do you remember?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "Of course I do."

_Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well_

"_I'd like to propose a toast," Derek grinned, raising his glass of scotch. "To my amazingly successful wife," he smiled, meeting Addison's eyes. "Congratulations, Honey. Well deserved."_

"_Yeah, congrats, Red," Mark echoed, giving Addison a proud smile._

"_Way to make the rest of us look bad," Sam quipped, as Naomi elbowed him in the side playfully._

_Addison smiled widely as her friends continued to offer their congratulations. She made her way over to where her husband was standing, and Derek immediately wrapped an arm around her._

"_So," Derek began, smiling at his wife adoringly. "How does it feel to have an article accepted in a top 3 medical journal?"_

"_Pretty good," Addison admitted with a smile. "Really good, actually."_

_Derek gave his wife a wide smile. "It's a huge turn-on too," he confessed, lowering his voice seductively._

"_Really?" Addison asked, raising an eyebrow coyly._

"_Yeah," Derek grinned. "My wife's talented and accomplished. And let's not forget the obvious," he added, eyeing her body appreciatively. "You have a-"_

"_Sparkling personality," Addison filled in with a smirk._

"_Obviously," Derek laughed, pulling his wife in close and kissing her deeply._

"_You know," Derek began when they broke apart from each other, "not that anyone's asking me or anything, but…being married to someone who has an article in a top 3 medical journal…that feels pretty good too."_

_Here's to the nights we felt alive_

"_Okay, you two should really just go ahead and get a room already," Savvy commented as she walked by Addison and Derek, who were too wrapped up in each other to notice any of the other occupants at the bar._

"_Actually, I'd recommend the coat closet," Savvy continued. "It's secluded, pretty roomy, and not very well monitored, so you'll have some privacy."_

"_Savvy," Addison chuckled, tingeing red. "I think we're a little old for that."_

"_You're not too old for that," Savvy disagreed. "You're both young, attractive, successful people. And you," she went on, looking at Addison, "just had an article accepted in an important medical journal. And I happen to have it on good authority that the coatroom here works pretty well if you feel like slipping away for a minute or two…or however long it takes."_

"_And by good authority, you mean you and Weiss have had sex in the coatroom here?" Derek teased._

"_Hey, a lady never kisses and tells," Savvy shot back with a playful wink. "Anyway, I'll see you two later," she said, walking away to find Weiss._

_Addison shook her head in amusement before turning her attention back to her husband. "Wh-why are you looking at me like that?" she asked Derek, noticing the mischievous glint in his eyes._

"_I don't know," Derek shrugged. "I guess a part of me would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted by Savvy's suggestion."_

"_Really?" Addison laughed, before growing serious. "I guess a part of me would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted too," she admitted._

"_Coat closet?" Derek asked quickly, his eyes darkening in desire._

"_No," Addison said, shaking her head. "Savvy and Weiss have already christened the coatroom. Bathroom?" she offered._

"_Okay."_

"_Women's or men's?"_

"_You choose," Derek said, kissing his wife's temple sweetly. "Tonight's your night, remember?"_

_Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry_

"Addison?" Derek said gently, ripped from his thoughts by the sound of his soon-to-be ex-wife's sniffling. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Addison lied, doing her best to regain composure.

"You don't sound fine," Derek disagreed, instinctively rising from the couch that he was supposed to be sleeping on, and joining Addison on the bed. He slid under the covers and snuggled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Maybe it was crossing a line, but considering they'd just slept together, he kind of doubted it.

"Derek, what are you doing?" Addison whispered in surprise.

Derek gently caressed Addison's cheek with the pads of his fingers, registering the moisture on her soft skin. "I knew you weren't fine," he whispered back, purposely evading her question.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Then we won't talk about it," Derek resolved, pulling his soon-to-be ex-wife in closer. "We'll just sleep."

"Okay," Addison nodded.

Sure, she knew that not talking about it probably wasn't the best idea. All these years of not talking about it had proved fatal to her and Derek's marriage. But she figured the damage had already been done. There was no coming back. Tomorrow, they would be divorced; and there was nothing that either of them could say tonight that would change that.

But she could lay there with his arms around her, and for just a few hours, she could pretend that her life wasn't this gigantic mess. For just a few hours, she could pretend that they were Addison-and-Derek again. Because she wasn't going to say anything to the contrary. And neither was he. They weren't going to talk about it.

Tomorrow would arrive soon enough, and reality would set back in. But it wasn't tomorrow yet.

"Goodnight, Derek," Addison whispered, making herself comfortable in her soon-to-be ex-husband's arms. "Sleep well."

"Night, Addie," Derek smiled, gently running his hand through his soon-to-be ex-wife's long hair. "You too."

_Here's to goodbye.  
><em>_Tomorrow's gonna come too soon._


	2. Part II

A/N: Thanks so much for all of your nice feedback on this story so far! I really appreciate it! I hope you like this next section (I wanted to post it quickly to keep the momentum going). Thanks for reading!

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><p><em>Put your name on the line,<br>__Along with place and time._

He'd signed. She'd signed. They were officially divorced.

It felt wrong on so many levels. Wrong – because she had effectively just signed away the last eleven years of her life. Wrong – because now her name (the name she'd gone by for the last eleven years) was one name shorter. Wrong – because she was still a little sore from last night…from what had probably been a few too many rounds between the sheets with her now ex-husband.

But wrong or right, she was divorced. The Addison-and-Derek chapter of her life was officially over. Or so she thought.

_Wanna stay; not to go._

"So, are you working today?" Derek asked Addison, as they left their divorce lawyers' office.

"I'm supposed to," Addison nodded. "But I think I'm going to call Richard and tell him I'm not coming in. I...it doesn't feel right going in today."

Initially, she had thought going in to work would be the perfect way to keep herself busy – to distract herself – so she wouldn't think about her divorce. But, now, going to work felt wrong. Eleven years of marriage had ended. And that warranted a day off from work. She'd be the first one to admit that she hadn't been the perfect wife in her marriage to Derek (not even close). But their marriage – and those eleven-plus years they'd spent together – deserved to be remembered in some way; not brushed aside as some meaningless piece of her past.

Plus, she knew that as much as she wanted to use work as a distraction, it wouldn't be. She'd inevitably have some patient with some type of predicament that would make her think about herself, or Derek, or her-and-Derek. And if she was going to think about her-and-Derek, she'd rather do it with a drink in hand.

"Are you gonna go back to your hotel?" Derek asked his ex-wife, not entirely sure why he cared so much about Addison's post-divorce plans.

Addison shook her head. "No. I thought I'd go out for some breakfast. And then to a bar…to drink."

"Oh," Derek murmured. "I, uh, do you want company?"

"What?" Addison asked in confusion.

"Would you like some company?" Derek repeated, utterly shocked by the offer that had come out of his mouth not once, but twice now.

He'd pretty much assumed that he'd spend the minutes and hours following his divorce lusting over Meredith or celebrating his liberation from the Wicked Witch of the East…not having breakfast with said Wicked Witch. But now that the divorce was finalized, and things were real, he felt different. And he quickly learned that what he _really_ wanted in the minutes and hours following his divorce was some food and some company. And breakfast with Addison could give him both of those things.

So, he asked a third time, this time more resolutely. "Would you like some company?"

Addison looked at her ex-husband skeptically. "I…you're not going in to work?"

Derek shook his head. "No. Not today."

"Really?" Addison asked in surprise. "You?"

Derek shrugged. "Originally, I was gonna go in. But I think you're right…going in today just doesn't feel right."

Addison nodded mutely.

"So, uh, is that a yes to us having breakfast together?" Derek asked again. "I'll treat."

Addison chuckled. The whole thing was wrong and she knew it. Divorced couples did not get breakfast together – especially not on the morning that their divorce went through. But Derek was giving her something he hadn't given her in years – he was giving her his full attention. He was choosing her over work. And that made right and wrong blurry.

"So…?" Derek trailed off, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "Would you like some company?"

"Yeah," Addison nodded, a small smile coming to he face. "I would."

Derek smiled and took his phone out of his pocket. "I'm going to call Richard," he told his ex-wife. "To tell him I'm not coming in today. Should I call for both of us?"

xxxxx

Forty-five minutes later, Addison and Derek were sharing a booth at a cute, little diner. She had a stack of blueberry pancakes in front of her. He had an egg-white omelet and some fruit in front of him.

"Are you at all curious about what we're missing today at work?" Addison asked her ex-husband, in between bites of pancake.

"Honestly, no," Derek admitted, shaking his head. And, to his surprise, he realized he actually meant it.

"Yeah, me either," Addison agreed with a smile.

Had Addison gone to work that day, she would have worked with a patient who had gotten stuck to her ex-husband while they were having sex. And maybe Addison would have made the connection between that divorced couple and her and Derek. It would have been hard not to. The couple had been divorced for five years, but they both worked in the same field (real estate), so they kept running into each other; and old feelings and pent up emotions inevitably resurfaced (even though the woman had remarried). And if that wasn't enough, the woman had bright red hair; and the man had dark brown hair. It was a glaringly obvious metaphor. Had she gone to work that day, she would have seen it. And maybe she would have learned from the couple's mistakes, and would have had the good sense to stop things with Derek. But she didn't go in to work that day. She skipped work to spend the day with her ex-husband. So even though there was a lesson to be learned, she wasn't there to learn it.

_I wanna ditch the logical_

"That must be room service," Derek said, when a knock sounded at Addison's hotel room door.

"You ordered room service?" Addison asked in surprise.

Derek nodded. Drinking after breakfast had led them back to Addison's hotel room. And that had unsurprisingly led to sex.

"I'm hungry," Derek chuckled. "You wore me out."

Addison laughed heartily. "I hope you ordered hamburgers."

Derek winked at his ex-wife good-naturedly. "I ordered burgers."

He made his way towards the door, while Addison hid herself in the bathroom. She saw the room service staff on a regular basis, and didn't love the idea of them seeing her in a hotel bathrobe and nothing else.

Derek, of course, had no such qualms. But when he opened the door, he wished he would have had his ex-wife's reserve. Because it wasn't room service standing outside.

"Mark," Derek gasped in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Mark eyed Derek's robed form critically. "I could ask you the same thing," he quipped. "But based on your outfit, or lack thereof, I think it's pretty clear what you're doing here. Or should I say _who_ you're doing."

"Mark!" Derek snapped, his hands involuntarily clenching into fists at his sides.

"This is a bad idea, Derek," Mark said rationally. "It's a bad idea, and you know it."

"It's no worse of an idea than you sleeping with her," Derek retorted, feeling himself growing angrier by the second. "Which is what you came over here to do, right?"

Mark sighed. "I came to check on her. I know your divorce was finalized this morning. I wanted to make sure she was okay."

"She's fine," Derek said quietly. "She's okay."

"No," Mark disagreed, shaking his head. "What you two are doing…that's not a sign of people who are okay. She's not okay. And you're not okay. But she's the one who's going to get hurt. Trust me, I know. It's tried and true with you guys."

"No one's going to get hurt, Mark," Derek insisted. "Addison and I are adults. We know what we're doing. So, for once, stay out of our marriage."

"But you're _not_ married," Mark pointed out. "You're divorced. And what you guys are doing makes no sense."

"I don't care if it makes sense," Derek shot back. "I just…Addison and I are both okay with the arrangement. And I…I think you should leave, Mark."

Mark was tempted to fight back. He had half a mind to walk into Addison's hotel room, and talk Addison (who he was certain would be just as undressed as Derek) out of making what he knew would be a grave mistake. But he also knew it was pointless. He couldn't beat Derek. Not when it came to Addison.

"You're gonna hurt her," Mark said pointedly. "You always do." Sure, he couldn't beat Derek, but he wasn't above delivering a few low blows.

"You can drop the martyr act, Mark," Derek muttered. "You and I both know the real reason you're here."

"Do you want to be the pot or the kettle in this little scenario, Derek?" Mark asked smugly. "You're no saint either."

Derek sighed heavily. Mark was right, of course. He, Addison, and Mark were the unholy trinity.

"Look, Derek," Mark continued, his voice softening. "Regardless of what you think, I care about you, and I care about Addison. And this…whatever this is that you and Addison have going on…it's a bad idea. There's no way it's going to end well. It makes no sense."

"But I-"

"And I know," Mark interrupted, "I know, right now, you want to screw logical. But it's not a good idea. Trust me; this is going to end in disaster."

"You don't know-"

"Derek," Mark said gently. "Your marriage is over."

"I know that," Derek insisted.

"Do you?"

"Look, Mark, I'm not asking for your blessing. I'm not even asking for you to be supportive. I just…I need you to trust me when I tell you that Addison and I know what we're doing."

Mark sighed heavily, registering Derek's unwavering resolve. "I don't agree with this whole thing. And, truth be told, I don't think that you and Addison know what you're doing. And I _definitely _think that one or both of you is going to get hurt. But I'm your best man and your best friend-"

"You _were_ my best friend," Derek amended.

"Be that as it may," Mark continued, "my point is I'm here to support you. So, um, if this makes sense to you and Addison, I guess it makes it makes sense to me too."

Derek nodded mutely. "Thank you," he said, swallowing thickly. Sure, his and Mark's relationship was still severely damaged. But maybe it wasn't beyond repair. Because in Mark's words, he could still hear traces of the old Mark – his best friend, Mark. The Mark who had surprised everyone by giving an incredibly touching best man speech at his and Addison's wedding.

_Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well_

"_I'd like to propose a toast," Mark smiled, lightly tapping his knife against his champagne flute. "To the bride and groom," he grinned, smiling warmly at Addison and Derek._

"_Now, I know that in their speeches a lot of best men talk about how the bride and groom first met," Mark continued. "But I'm pretty sure everyone here knows that story because, let's face it, it's the greatest love song of all time. So, I'm going to tell a different story. I'm going to talk about the time when I first realized that Derek was serious about Addison._

_We all know that Derek fell for Addison hard and fast," Mark went on. "In fact, the very first day that Derek met Addison…when they were cutting up a cadaver together, Derek told me that he knew Addison was the one. And that some day, he was going to marry her. Now, I'm not the hopeless romantic that my best friend, Derek, is," Mark smirked. "So I needed some more convincing. And that day came when Derek bailed on Yankees playoff tickets to take care of Addison, who was sick with the flu. Sam and I thought he was crazy. You don't pass up Yankees playoff tickets. You just don't. But Derek didn't care. It was no contest. He chose to spend the night with Addison, eating chicken soup and watching Sleepless in Seattle, over going to a Yankees playoff game. If that isn't love, I don't know what is._

_When Sam and I teased him about it a couple days later, Derek played if off nonchalantly, like it wasn't a big deal. And when Sam and I got particularly merciless with our teasing, Derek fought back by saying that it was just a playoff game, and it wasn't like he'd missed the World Series." Mark smiled at his best friend widely. "I didn't say anything then, but I knew…I knew that even if it had been the World Series, you would have skipped it. Without hesitation, you would have skipped it, Derek. Because that's the kind of relationship that you two have. And I…I hope it's the type of relationship you always have. To Addison and Derek," Mark toasted, raising his champagne flute. "The most incredible couple you'll ever meet."_

"Excuse me," a male voice said, cutting into Derek's thoughts. "I have your dinner."

"Oh," Derek stammered. "Uh, thank you." He fumbled for his credit card, but quickly realized he was wearing a robe, which meant he didn't have his wallet on him.

"I can charge it the room," the room service attendant offered.

"No, no, that's okay," Derek insisted. "If you give me a minute, I can-"

"Here," Mark cut in, handing the attendant his credit card. "I've got it."

"Mark," Derek breathed. "You don't have to-"

"Don't worry about it," Mark insisted. He turned to the confused-looking room service attendant. "Go ahead and swipe it."

"Thank you," Derek said quietly.

Mark nodded mutely, as the room service attendant handed him back his credit card. "Anyway…" Mark trailed off, turning to walk away.

Derek nodded, as he watched Mark's retreating form. "Hey, Mark?" he called out.

"Yeah?" Mark asked, turning to face Derek.

"I, uh, the Yankees are playing Boston later this week. Do you want to watch the game?"

Mark nodded, as a genuine smile spread across his face. "Yeah," he said. "I'd like that."

xxxxx

Derek walked back into Addison's hotel room, and began setting up his and Addison's room service dinner.

"That took a while," Addison commented, as she emerged from the bathroom.

"I, uh, I ran into Mark in the hallway," Derek admitted.

"Oh," Addison said in surprise. "What'd he want?"

Derek shot Addison a pointed look, and Addison got the message loud and clear.

"Oh," she said quietly. "I, uh…" she trailed off uncomfortably, half expecting her ex-husband to do what he did best, and walk away.

But, apparently, Derek had other things on his mind.

"Do you remember our wedding day?" he asked quietly.

"What?" Addison asked in confusion. They had just signed their divorce papers that morning; now seemed like possibly _the worst_ time to reminisce about their wedding. "Is that supposed to be some type of cruel joke?" she asked, the hurt clear in her voice.

"No," Derek insisted quickly. "No. I just…I was thinking about it."

_Here's to the nights we felt alive_

"_Addison," Derek called out, knocking on the door to the bride's room. "Addison."_

"_Derek," Addison called back, from the other side of the door, "you can't see me yet. It's bad luck."_

"_Do you really believe that?" Derek smirked._

"_Yes," Addison insisted._

_Derek chuckled. Addison was superstitious; there was no denying it. And come to think of it, maybe he was too. They both had their rituals in surgery – juju for her when she lost a patient; him saying, "It's a beautiful day to save lives" before operating. But this was different. They weren't going to jinx their marriage._

"_Come on, Addie," he pleaded. "This isn't bad juju, I promise. Besides, I have a wedding present for you."_

"_Really?" Addison asked in surprise, as the door opened slightly. _

"_Yeah, I…" he trailed off as he took in her appearance. "Wow."_

"_Wow, yourself," Addison smiled, as she looked at her almost-husband appreciatively._

"_Thanks," Derek grinned. "But you…seriously…wow."_

_Addison smiled before leaning in and kissing Derek deeply; and he immediately responded in kind._

"_So, uh, you said something about a gift," Addison breathed, when they broke apart._

"_Yeah," Derek nodded, handing her the shiny, silver gift bag in his hand. "It's nothing big, it's just…"_

"_It's perfect," Addison filled in with a smile, as she removed a blue and white swirl scrub cap from the gift bag. "I love it."_

"_I figured it's something new and blue," Derek explained. "And I have four sisters," he added quickly, "so it's okay for me to know that type of stuff."_

_Addison laughed heartily at that. "I love it," she smiled, kissing Derek softly. "And you."_

_Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry_

"Derek," Addison said gently, ripping her ex-husband from his thoughts. "You've hardly touched your hamburger."

"Oh. Uh, yeah," Derek mumbled. "I'm actually not that hungry anymore."

"Really?" Addison asked in concern. "Are you okay?"

Derek shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know," he admitted vulnerably. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"I…" Addison trailed off. "I'm trying to be okay."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "Me too."

He couldn't remember which one of them suggested he sleep over. But as he laid there in the darkness, his body entwined with hers, he's glad he's there.

"Hey, Addie," he whispered.

"Yeah."

"If I had to do it all over again…even knowing that things would end the way they did, I'd still pick you. I still would have married you."

It's the truth. There were a lot of things in his life he wished he could undo, but his marriage to Addison wasn't one of them. He regretted prom…the panties (easily two of the most heartless and classless things he'd done in his life); but he never regretted marrying Addison. Addison had played a huge part in making him the person he was today. And even though things were bad – even downright awful – towards the end of their marriage, he still counted the majority of their marriage among the happiest times of his life.

"Hey Derek," Addison whispered back, snuggling closer to him.

"Yeah?"

"I still would have picked you too."

_Here's to goodbye.  
><em>_Tomorrow's gonna come too soon. _


	3. Part III

A/N: Thanks so much for the kind feedback on the second chapter and on this story. I love hearing what you think! Here's the last installment of this little song-fic. I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it!

* * *

><p><em>All my time is froze in motion.<em>

"Would you mind driving me to the airport on Thursday?" Addison asked Derek, as they sat in her hotel room together, eating room service dinner.

"Thursday," Derek repeated, his forehead wrinkling in confusion. "Where are you going Thursday?"

"LA."

"For a case?"

Addison shook her head. "No. I'm going to see Naomi."

"You're taking a vacation?" Derek asked in surprise. "That doesn't sound like you."

"It's not really a vacation," Addison admitted. "I'm, uh…You know what, never mind."

"Addison, you can tell me," Derek pressed, assessing that whatever his ex-wife was hiding from him was big news.

Addison sighed. "I'm thinking about moving there," she confessed after a moment.

"Wait, what?" Derek gasped, a sinking feeling forming in the pit of his stomach.

"Naomi and Sam are having some financial problems with their practice," Addison explained. "So, I was thinking about buying a piece of it, and moving to LA."

"What?" Derek repeated, shocked by Addison's admission. Everything around him seemed to come to a crashing halt. Time stood still. He throat went dry. His body felt numb.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally choked out.

"Um, isn't that what I'm doing now, Der?"

"What I meant is…why didn't we discuss this? Why didn't we talk about this together?"

"Why would we?" Addison asked in confusion.

"Well, I…I just thought-"

"Wait a minute. Are you are angry about me possibly moving to LA?"

"No," Derek answered quickly. "Not angry. I'm...upset. That we didn't talk about it."

"Derek, we're not married," Addison reminded her ex-husband. "There is no we. You don't get to be upset about this."

"Really?" Derek countered haughtily. "Because you seemed to be singing a different tune last week when I took on that extra surgery last minute, and came back to the hotel after midnight. You seemed pretty upset about that."

"That's not the same thing," Addison insisted. "You should have called me."

"It sounds like the same thing to me," Derek fought back.

Addison shook her head sadly. Maybe Derek was right. Maybe it was the same thing. But it didn't feel like the same thing. Her moving to LA was something completely new and different. Derek had a history of choosing work over her. And that's why she had been so hurt last week when he stayed late and didn't bother to tell her. She knew they weren't married; and that meant he didn't owe her a phone call or a text or anything, really.

But it still hurt. Because of what it revealed.

She'd gotten quite good at convincing herself that what she and Derek were doing – that them spending the night together almost every night for past three months – was right…for them. But him not calling last week, and her reaction to him not calling, made it clear that the cracks and fissures that had deteriorated their marriage were still very much there.

"Look, Derek," Addison said gently, "I don't want to fight with you. I just-"

"This is exactly like you, Addison," Derek accused angrily. "I mess up, and you respond by doing something irrational. You did it in New York, and now you're doing it again."

"That's not fair, Derek. I'm going to LA for _me_. I'm not doing it to be irrational or vindictive."

"I mean, it kind of feels-"

"And what happened in New York, between me and Mark," Addison cut in. "That wasn't meant to be vindictive either. It was wrong and hurtful and incredibly cruel…but I wasn't thinking. I wasn't-"

"That's no excuse, Addison," Derek insisted, folding his arms across his chest. "It _was_ vindictive and cruel and irrational."

"And you sleeping with Meredith at prom wasn't?" Addison shot back angrily.

"I…" Derek trailed off uncomfortably.

Addison gave her ex-husband a smug, self-righteous smirk. "Adulterous prom sex…with the wife standing just yards away. It's one hell of a love story," she said sarcastically.

"It's not," Derek said quietly, shaking his head.

"What?"

"The couple needs to be together for more than two minutes for it to be a love story," Derek explained. "And Meredith and I aren't together."

It was the truth. Derek had unceremoniously bowed out when Meredith informed him that she was going to shop around – and date both him and Finn – before deciding which one of them she wanted to dump. He wanted no part in that. He'd already been there – with Addison and Meredith – and he was done with the games and the childishness and the cruelty.

But a part of him couldn't help wondering if he might have went along with Meredith's little game if things between him and Addison had _actually _ended when they'd gotten divorced. A part of him couldn't help wondering if he might have went along with Meredith's little game if he didn't have a better option waiting for him in room 2214 of the Archfield Hotel. Sure, things with Addison were complicated. Their whole situation was complicated. But there was no game playing. And if there was, they were playing together. Neither of them knew how much time they had left together – when one or both of them would pull the plug on their secret rendezvous – and that kept things exciting. And, admittedly, the sex had never been better.

"Addison," Derek began gently. "Meredith and I aren't together. I'm not seeing anyone else."

"I don't see how that's any of my business," Addison shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Why should it matter to me whose bed you fall into?"

"Come on, you can drop the act, Addie. It matters to you. And just so we're clear," Derek continued, meeting his ex-wife's eyes, and offering her a reconciliatory smile, "the only bed I've fallen into since the divorce is yours, _Honey_."

A betraying chuckle escaped Addison's lips. "Honey?" she repeated. "Did you just call me honey?" she asked, her anger dissipating, the corners of her lips twitching slightly into a smile.

"Yeah," Derek nodded, a smile forming on his face as well. "I did." He raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Your move."

Addison's cheeks flushed with desire, her breathing quickened, as she looked into her ex-husband's lust-filled eyes. And before she could think about what she was doing, she molded her lips against Derek's, kissing him deeply, and pressing her body against his. He responded immediately, pulling her in closer, and running his hands through her long hair.

"Der," she whispered in between kisses. "Derek."

"Hmm?"

She pulled back slightly, and met her ex-husband's eyes. "We're really bad at being divorced."

Derek was tempted to disagree with her. But Addison's lips were back on his, and she was kissing him fervently. And he decided that discussions about how good or bad they were at being divorced could be tabled until later.

So, he kissed back. Just as deeply, just as passionately. He snaked his hand behind her back and tugged at the zipper of her dress, while she raked her fingers through his wavy hair.

This was easier than talking. It was easier than thinking about the past. Easier than worrying about the future.

She stepped out of her unzipped dress, and immediately began unbuttoning his shirt. In a moment of déjà vu, she broke apart from Derek and held up his discarded Armani button-down. _Very professional adult_. _Very Derek Shepherd._

"Better?" Derek breathed with a smile.

"Much," Addison approved, her lips reconnecting with her ex-husband's, as she moved to unzip his pants.

It was easier than talking. Sex was always easier than talking. Sure, Addison knew that the overpriced marriage counselor that she and Derek had went to would not approve…of anything they were doing. But they weren't married. Their marriage counselor's opinion (and everyone else's) was irrelevant.

But eventually they would have to talk.

"Addison," Derek whispered, as they lay in bed together, later that night.

"Yeah?"

"Are you still going to LA?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Okay," Derek said quietly, doing his best to hide his disappointment. "I, uh…I can drive you to the airport."

_Can't I stay an hour or two or more?_

"My flight's delayed," Addison frowned, as she checked the list of departure times at SeaTac airport.

"I'm not surprised," Derek smirked, pointing to their wet rain jackets. "The weather's terrible."

"And you wonder why I want to leave Seattle," Addison muttered.

"Hey, Seattle's not that bad," Derek defended. "How about I buy you a drink while we wait for your flight?"

"_We_?" Addison asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yes, we," Derek nodded.

"Don't you need to get back to work?"

Derek shrugged. "I can stay an hour or two."

"Derek, you don't have to do that."

"Why not? I want to. Come on," he persisted, "let's go get a drink."

_Don't let me let you go._

"You know, L.A.'s not that great," Derek said, as he sipped at his water, while Addison sipped at her merlot. "You'll miss the seasons. Especially around Christmas time."

Addison shook her head in amusement.

"And don't get me wrong," Derek continued. "I like Sam and Naomi. A lot. But he can be self-absorbed and selfish, and she can be condescending. Yeah…I think they're better in small doses."

"Derek," Addison scolded. "They're two of our closest friends."

"I didn't say they weren't," Derek shrugged. "I'm just saying…"

Addison smiled at her ex-husband adoringly. "I'm gonna miss you too, Der," she whispered vulnerably.

"Good," Derek said softly.

He meant it too. He didn't know why, but things had felt different ever since Addison told him she might be moving to California. And even though he knew it was still just a possibility, it set in motion a very harrowing realization – that he might lose Addison _for real_.

Because the divorce had merely been a formality – in the end, it had done more to bring him and Addison together than it had to keep them apart. And if he was being honest, he felt closer to Addison now than he had during the last several months of their marriage. Maybe because _now_ they weren't married, and nothing was being done out of duty or obligation. Or maybe he had finally come to his senses and realized that eleven-plus years wasn't – and never could be – meaningless.

The sound of Addison's flight being announced ripped Derek from his thoughts.

"Well," Addison sighed, looking at her ex-husband sadly. "I guess that's me."

"Yeah," Derek nodded glumly. "I guess it is."

He met his ex-wife's eyes, and a flurry of requests raced through his head: _Don't go. Please don't go. Don't let me let you go._ But he couldn't bring himself to ask them out loud. Addison needed to do this…for her. And as much as he hated it, he knew he needed to respect it.

"Have a safe trip, Addie," he choked out hoarsely.

Addison nodded mutely, as she fought for composure. She wanted him to ask her not to go. She wanted him to ask her not to let him let her go. Because if he asked, she might just stay. But he wasn't asking.

"Call me when you get there, okay?" Derek asked, swallowing thickly.

"Okay," Addison said quietly. "I'll see you in a week."

"Five days," Derek corrected with a small smile.

"Five days," Addison agreed, leaning in to give her ex-husband a chaste goodbye kiss. Except it wasn't a chaste kiss. It couldn't be a chaste kiss. There were too many feelings and pent up emotions for it not to be passionate. So, she kissed him deeply, and he kissed her back just as deeply. They weren't going to see each other for five days, so this kiss was going to have to hold them.

"Goodbye, Addison," Derek whispered breathlessly when they finally broke apart, his eyes dark with desire.

"Goodbye, Derek," Addison breathed. "I'll see you in a week."

"Five days."

"Right," Addison nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Five days."

And with that, she turned and began making her way towards the gate. Towards LA, and away from Seattle.

_Don't let me let you go._

Addison drummed her fingers against the top of her thigh, as she waited for the plane to take off. She pressed her index finger to her lips – still swollen from her goodbye kiss with Derek – and sighed heavily.

What was she doing? Divorces were supposed to make things easier, not more complicated.

"You look like you could use a drink," a perky, blonde flight attendant commented, ripping Addison from her thoughts.

Addison nodded. "A glass of merlot would be great," she said appreciatively.

"Sure," the flight attendant smiled, as she opened a mini-bottle of wine and poured it into a glass. "So," she continued, handing Addison her wine, "what brings you to LA? Business or pleasure?"

"Business," Addison answered. "I think."

"You think?"

"I don't know," Addison admitted. "It's complicated."

"Oh," the flight attendant said sympathetically. "Well, good luck with it…whatever it is."

"Thanks," Addison nodded.

She took a sip of her wine and sighed as she felt it warm her chest. She knew LA could be a great opportunity. It could be her chance at something permanent. Because her hotel room in Seattle clearly wasn't permanent.

And she could work for a practice again. But did she even want to? And as she thought about what it might be like to work at Sam and Naomi's practice, she couldn't help thinking about her practice in New York – Addison-and-Derek's practice in New York.

_Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well_

_Derek raised his wine glass, getting the attention of his sisters and mother at one of their family dinners. "Addison and I have an announcement to make," he began with a smile._

"_Oh my god!" Kathleen squealed excitedly. "You guys are having a baby, aren't you?"_

"_Congratulations!" Lizzie beamed. "This is so exciting."_

_Nancy turned to Addison and smiled. "I'll be your OB," she offered. _

"_I'm going to be an Aunt," Amelia grinned. "This is so great."_

"_Amelia, technically, you're already an Aunt," Kathleen pointed out. "Many times over."_

_Addison and Derek exchanged a glance as Derek's sisters continued to chatter excitedly._

"_Um, actually," Addison cut in, raising her own glass of wine, "Derek and I were going to tell you that we're opening a practice with some of our colleagues."_

"_Oh," Lizzie said in disappointment. "That's the announcement?"_

_Derek and Addison nodded._

"_That's not news," Nancy said. "I already knew about that."_

"_You did?" Derek asked in surprise. "Who told-?"_

"_Mark did. He wanted my help picking out a new couch for his new office. He wanted something that said professional, accomplished doctor…but, at the same time, also said come hither."_

_Addison shook her head in amusement._

"_Figures" Derek muttered._

"_Well, I think this is fantastic news," Carolyn smiled, speaking up for the first time. "This is really great news." She turned to her daughters for support. "Isn't it?"_

_Derek's sisters shrugged impassively._

"_Yeah, yeah, great news," Kathleen said after a moment, trying, but failing, to muster up some enthusiasm._

"_Yeah, congratulations," Amelia added just as unenthusiastically._

"_Congratulations," Lizzie and Nancy echoed dully._

_Addison chuckled at her sister-in-laws' reactions. "We're really excited about this," she told them with a smile. "It's a great career move for both of us."_

"_It is," Derek agreed._

"_Well, I think it sounds great," Carolyn grinned._

"_Thank you, Mom," Derek smiled. "Anyway," he continued, raising his wine glass and smiling at his wife. "To our new practice."_

"_To your new practice," Derek's sisters and mother chorused, raising their own glasses._

_And as everyone clinked their glasses, Amelia discretely nudged Addison, and raised her glass of water. "And here's to me hoping for another little niece or nephew."_

_Here's to the nights we felt alive_

"_That was…interesting," Derek chuckled, as he and Addison drove home from his mother's house._

"_Yeah," Addison agreed. "Definitely interesting."_

"_At least my mom was supportive," Derek offered._

"_She wasn't exactly supportive, Honey," Addison said delicately._

"_Are you kidding me?" Derek disagreed. "She was thrilled about the new practice."_

"_No," Addison said, shaking her head. "She was thrilled that I'm not pregnant."_

"_What?" Derek asked in disbelief. "That's not true."_

"_Come on, Derek," Addison chided. "Your mom's face was ghost-white when your sisters thought we were having a baby."_

"_I think she was just surprised," Derek defended._

_Addison shook her head. "I don't think so, Der. I've seen your mom's surprised face before…many times. And that wasn't it. Tonight, when she thought I was pregnant, she looked horrified. We might as well face it, she hates me."_

"_She doesn't hate you, Addie."_

"_Really?" Addison asked skeptically._

"_Really," Derek reassured._

_Addison sighed. "I don't know. I still don't think she likes the idea of you and me. And I think she like the idea of you, me, and a baby even less."_

"_Well, it's a good thing she doesn't have a say in the matter then," Derek said smugly._

_Addison chuckled in spite of herself._

"_Hey, what are we doing here?" Derek asked in confusion, when Addison stopped the car in front of their new practice._

"_Come upstairs with me," Addison beckoned._

"_What?" Derek asked in confusion as he and Addison got out of the car. "Did you forget something at work?"_

_Addison shook her head. "No. I'm just…I'm really excited about the new practice. And I thought we could celebrate," she explained, raising an eyebrow suggestively._

"_Your desk?" Derek asked hopefully, his eyes darkening in desire._

"_Either yours or mine," Addison replied with a seductive smile._

_They quickly made their way upstairs, and Addison unlocked the door to her office. And Derek wasted no time easing his wife onto her desk, kissing her heatedly._

"_Honey, wait," Addison breathed in between kisses. "Derek."_

"_Hmm?"_

"_The files. Move the files off my desk."_

_Derek chuckled before acquiescing and moving the files from Addison's desk to her chair. "Better?" he asked coyly._

"_Much," Addison nodded. "Thank you."_

"_You're welcome," Derek smiled. "So," he began, caressing his wife's cheek, "how about we get back to celebrating?"_

_xxxxx _

"_So, how long do you think we should wait before we start trying for kids?" Derek asked, running his hands through his wife's sex-tousled hair. He was sitting in her office chair in his boxers, and she was sitting on his lap, wearing his button-down shirt._

"_I don't know," Addison said, meeting Derek's eyes. "I mean, things are kind of crazy right now with both of us working at Mt. Sinai and at the practice. I think we should hold off a little bit…at least until we get into some type of rhythm."_

_Derek nodded in agreement. "I still want three kids," he said with a smile._

_Addison laughed heartily at what had been a long-standing debate between the two of them. They both wanted kids, but he wanted three and she wanted two. _

_She shook her head and smiled. "I still say two kids. Hopefully, a boy and a girl."_

"_I don't know," Derek disagreed. "Something tells me we're going to have three kids. Three girls."_

"_Three girls?" Addison laughed._

_Derek nodded solemnly. "Yes. Each more girly than the next. After our second daughter, I'll convince you to give it one more go, and try for a son. And you'll agree…because a part of you kind of you secretly wants three kids."_

_Addison chuckled._

"_But we'll have another daughter," Derek continued. "And I won't be at all disappointed. Because our third daughter…she'll be daddy's little girl."_

_Addison smiled at her husband lovingly._

"_After that, I'll, of course, try to convince you that we should try one more time for a boy," Derek went on with a smirk. "But I'll lose that battle. And I'll be okay with that."_

_Addison smiled at Derek adoringly. "Really?"_

"_Really," Derek smiled._

"_You're gonna be a good father, Derek," Addison complimented, running her fingers through her husband's wavy hair. "You're going to be a really good dad."_

"_You think?" Derek asked vulnerably._

"_I do," Addison nodded. She met her husband's eyes and gave him a smile. "Our kids are going to be lucky to have you."_

_Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry_

"Who would have thought?" Naomi said glumly, as she and Addison sat on her living room couch, drinking cabernet. "You and Derek. Me and Sam. I can't believe we're both divorced."

Addison nodded sadly. "How are you and Sam making it work?" she asked curiously. "You know, with both of you still owning and working at the practice together."

Naomi shrugged. "Probably pretty similarly to the way that you and Derek are making it work."

Addison fought back a chuckle at that. She highly doubted that this was the case. "How's Maya handling everything?" she asked her friend in concern.

Naomi shook her head in defeat. "Not well. She's barely talking to Sam. And she won't even look in my direction."

"Poor thing," Addison said sympathetically. "Cut her some slack. Her whole world's just been turned upside-down."

"Yeah," Naomi nodded. "I get it. But still…" she trailed off, meeting Addison's eyes. "You and Derek are lucky that you didn't have kids. Don't get me wrong," she backpedaled, "I love Maya…more than anything. But getting divorced is hard enough without throwing children into the mix. You and Derek are lucky you don't have to deal with that."

"Yeah," Addison choked out, swallowing hard, as she tried (unsuccessfully) to banish an image from her mind that kept popping up ever since her plane ride out to California – her and Derek curled up on the living room couch together with three little girls. The picture was slightly different each time she imagined it, but the general setup was always the same. It was always them with three girls, just like Derek had imagined it would be. And everyone was always blissfully happy. This time, Derek was reclining on the couch, and she was snuggled against his side. Their two oldest daughters – their five-year-old and their four-year-old – were cuddled up against her, as they watched the latest Disney princess movie, which had easily beat out whatever Sunday afternoon football game Derek had planned on watching. And their youngest daughter – their one-and-a-half-year-old – was fast asleep on Derek's chest.

"Addie," Naomi said, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Addison lied, swallowing thickly. "I'm good…all good."

"Are you sure?" Naomi asked skeptically. "Because you kind of look-"

"I'm just tired," Addison inserted, cutting Naomi off. "It was a long day," she continued, doing her best to remain composed, as she continued to try to push the image of what could have been out of her mind. "I should probably go to bed."

"Oh, uh, okay," Naomi stammered, confused by her friend's seemingly abrupt change in demeanor. "Goodnight then, I guess."

"Goodnight," Addison responded with forced cheerfulness, as she headed up the stairs toward Naomi's guest bedroom.

Addison knew she couldn't stay down there any longer. She couldn't stay downstairs and listen to Naomi tell her how lucky she was that she didn't have kids. She got where Naomi was coming from, of course. And she knew that Naomi's comments were only meant to be taken in the context of their respective divorces. But, still, Naomi's words struck a nerve. They were a painful reminder of how badly she and Derek had once wanted to start a family together. And they were an equally painful reminder that despite all the hurt and pain that they'd cause each other (and the impossibly convoluted nature of their current relationship), she still wanted a family with Derek…desperately.

_Here's to goodbye.  
><em>_Tomorrow's gonna come too soon._

"So, how was LA?" Derek asked, as he carried his ex-wife's luggage to his car.

"It was interesting," Addison said evasively.

"Interesting," Derek echoed. "Interesting, as in nice vacation interesting? Or interesting, as in I'm planning to move here permanently interesting?"

Addison shrugged. "Both, kind of."

"Addie," Derek said disapprovingly, as he struggled to read her.

"I'm not moving out there tomorrow," Addison offered.

That was as honest as she planned on being with him. In the name of helping out two of her closest friends, Addison had bought a piece of Naomi and Sam's private practice. They, of course, offered her a job there, which she neither accepted nor declined. Right now, accepting the job in LA didn't seem like the right decision for her; but that didn't mean it might not be the right decision for her somewhere down the line.

"I'm glad you're staying," Derek said genuinely. And he couldn't help thinking about how much his feelings about Addison had changed over the past several months. When she'd first arrived in Seattle – as his secret wife – he would have given anything to get her to leave. Now he'd give anything to keep her from leaving.

"So, how are Sam and Naomi?" Derek asked, as he opened the door to their Archfield hotel room.

"Derek," Addison smirked, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "I haven't seen you in five days. Do you really want to talk about Sam and Naomi?"

"No," Derek breathed, as her lips connected with his. And as they hurried to undress each other, Derek decided he could hold off on hearing about Sam and Naomi for another few hours. And if he got his way, maybe he wouldn't hear about them until tomorrow.

_Too soon._

"Derek, what are we doing…you and me?" Addison asked her ex-husband three weeks later.

It was the million-dollar question. It was a question that they both asked each other – sometimes frequently, other times less frequently. It was also a question that neither of them had an answer to.

"Well," Derek smirked, prepared to evade Addison's question, "right now, I was just about to take a bath. And I was kind of hoping you'd join me. So…?" he smiled, extending his hand to his ex-wife.

Addison nodded and took Derek's extended hand, and he led her into the bathroom.

They sat in the bathtub in comfortable silence, her back pressed up against his body, the warm bathwater enveloping them both.

"I don't know what we're doing…you and me," Derek admitted after a while, wrapping his arms a little more securely around his ex-wife. "I just know that I like it, and don't want to stop."

"I don't want to stop either," Addison agreed, watching as the water lapped against her skin. "I just…it might be nice to have a sense of where we are…where we're going."

Derek nodded before kissing his ex-wife's temple sweetly. "Where do you think we are?" he whispered. "Where do you think we're going?"

Addison shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered back. "It might be too soon to tell."

Derek nodded. "Yeah."

"I mean, there'll be plenty of time for us to figure all of that out later," Addison rationalized. "Right now, maybe it's just too soon."

"Yeah," Derek agreed, pressing light kisses along Addison's neck. "I think you're right."

_Here's to the nights we felt alive.  
><em>_Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry._

They've been divorced for five months, and they still haven't answered the important questions – what are we doing? Where do we stand? Where are we going?

But they continue to spend the nights together. Unconventional as it may be, it works for them.

Over the past five months, they've had good times, they've had bad times, they've had times where one or both of them have threatened to end whatever type of convoluted relationship they've got going on. But they never do. Every night, without fail, they come back to each other.

They haven't talked about getting remarried; and they probably never will. They weren't very good at marriage the first time around, and they don't need the pressure. Besides, they already have a good thing going.

How it all will end, neither of them knows. Maybe she'll end up taking the job in LA (she doubts it). Maybe he'll become work-obsessed again, and take her for granted (he doubts it). Maybe he'll get her pregnant, and they can get started on the family they'd both dreamed about once upon a time (they both secretly hope for that).

But none of these hopes or fears get acknowledged out loud. Because that would mean thinking about the future – planning a future. And that's scary. Tomorrow is scary.

Tomorrow will come soon enough – it always does. And maybe tomorrow they'll deal with all of the unanswered questions. But not tonight. Tonight they can just be Addison-and-Derek. Tonight, she can lay her head on his chest as they drift off to sleep, and he can wrap his arms around her, holding her close. And all the unanswered questions about what their relationship has been through and where their relationship is going can fade into the background.

"Goodnight, Derek," Addison whispers, climbing into bed next to her ex-husband, and resting her head on his chest.

"Goodnight, Addie," he smiles, wrapping his arms around her, and kissing her softly on the lips. "Sleep well."

"Yeah," Addison breathes, sighing contently. "You too."

Everything's still very much up in the air for them. But both know one thing: they look forward to the nights. Their nights together make sense. Their nights together feel right…and wrong…but, lately, more right than wrong. So, they don't stop. They keep coming back for more, and hope tomorrow never comes. Because tonight, they're happy. Tonight, what they're doing is right. Tonight, they're Addison-and-Derek (or Derek-and-Addison, depending who you ask).

So, they do what they do every night. They savor tonight. They take in each moment of tonight as if there weren't going to be a tomorrow. Because they never know – for them, there might not be.

_Here's to goodbye.  
><em>_Tomorrow's gonna come too soon.  
><em>_xxx_


End file.
